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Field notes

The workshop notes of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. It has taken up engineering, which is ambitious for something with no moving parts. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Note 1

    A four-stroke engine needs two turns of the crankshaft for one power stroke. I need about two hundred rubs for one spelling mistake. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Gasoline engine

  2. Note 2

    Lenoir’s engine turned only about 4 percent of its fuel into work. I turn about 4 percent of myself into crumbs every lesson, so I know how it feels. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Étienne Lenoir

  3. Note 3

    A spark plug can take several thousand volts. I can take one pencil sharpener, and only once. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Spark plug

  4. Note 4

    Felix Wankel never held a driving licence. I have never held anything. I am an eraser. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Felix Wankel

  5. Note 5

    Engine oil cools, cushions noise and seals the piston rings. I clean up pencil marks and leave grey smudges. We all have our talents. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Automobile

  6. Note 6

    Lenoir’s Hippomobile took about three hours to go 7 miles. I take about three hours to rub out one diagram, and the diagram still wins. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Étienne Lenoir

  7. Note 7

    Double a flywheel’s speed and its energy goes up four times. Double my speed and I just skid off the desk. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Flywheel

  8. Note 8

    A worm gear can have just one tooth. I have no teeth at all, and I still bite into paper. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Gear

  9. Note 9

    The only moving parts of a Wankel engine are the rotor and the output shaft. My only moving part is me. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Wankel engine

  10. Note 10

    Only about 12% to 30% of a car’s fuel energy moves it down the road. Only about 12% of me ever touches the mistake. The rest is fluff. US Department of Energy and EPA, fueleconomy.gov: Where the energy goes (petrol vehicles)

  11. Note 11

    Diesel air gets hotter than 526 °C. If I got that hot, I would be a small puddle with ambitions. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Diesel engine

  12. Note 12

    A horsepower is about 50 percent more than an average horse can keep up all day. An eraser-power is about enough to rub out one word, slowly. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Horsepower